The TOP SECRET European Meat Product that will ENHANCE Your SEX LIFE
Listen, Dear Reader:
When we discover something at the Sangudo Meat Packers that involves Meaningful Human Experience and Near Sexual Food Enjoyment, we want you to know about it. We NEED you to know about it.
It all started with a confusing and somewhat alcohol-hazed conversation with someone loosely related to Britain and Pork. I’m not sure who or when all of this happened, but the point was that I was told the advanced civilizations in Europe were taking WHOLE freakin’ pork loins and then curing and smoking them. All this is done Bone In, my personal favourite condition for any of the meats, and then – BRACE YOURSELF – sliced into Pork Chops at the 1″ thickness mark.
You may not think that Smoked 1″ Pork Chops could enhance your Sexual Prowess. You’re probably right. But ooba dooba, who needs sex when you have what amounts to a 1″ thick slice of Back Bacon, with its own built in bone handle?! I wanted to marry it, not just eat it. We carmelized a half dozen or so up in a frying pan, and then ate them like giant cookies. Bacon Cookies, we called them, and yes, it was a food-induced dopamine high unlike anything you’ve had before.
What I’m saying is: Order some of these units and see for yourself. I can only imagine what might happen if a bloke were to scorch the outer surface of one of these things on a grill. Oh, and yeah, we made them from our uber-juicy pastured pork sides, which made it even more pork-tastic and flavorful. Also, we used a heavy dose of hickory in the smoker, but I’d like to try some of the other mild smokes, such as Oak, Maple, or Pecan. There’s also room to customize the cure, perhaps to include a healthy dose of BOOZE.
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, and we can whip up a whole loin or 10 for your freezer to prepare for some sexually charged BBQ parties over at Your house this summer.